Love is a very strange thing. No one can really give
love a proper definition, because no two loves are the same. There is no
greater force on earth that would be such a mystery for many. They say that
love never dies a natural death, and I’m here to discuss what kills it.
When it comes to love, I admit that I am but a fool.
What I have learned from love, I have drawn from experience. I can never really
rely on books, because too many of them have turned out to be mere delusions of
a beautiful mind.
Is there such thing as forever?
Being a lonely soul, I find myself wandering from
place to place. I try to find meaning in my life, and perhaps listening to
people’s stories gives meaning to my seemingly colorless life. One thing that
fascinates me is listening to the stories of couples who have made their love
last. I have learned the hard way that nothing really lasts in this generation.
Everyone is so used to living a fast-paced lifestyle, even love gets cheapened
in the process.
I have found love, lost love, only to find it again.
Time and time again, I find myself picking up the fragments of my shattered
heart. I would find solace in talking to people, in listening to their stories.
I have become fascinated by what they have to tell me, because their stories of
love make it seem all the more genuine, and not something that you could buy at
the dollar store.
I’ve heard stories of people breaking up, telling me
stories that they had “fallen out of love” or that there was “absolutely no
chemistry left.” Stories like this leave me terrified. If nothing lasts
forever, how could love?
Why people fall out of love with their partners
What exactly causes love to flee from a once perfect
relationship? Here are 10 reasons why love, despite promises of forever, can sometimes
wither away into nothingness.
#1 Love dies because of unrealistic expectations. When
one is in love, one tends to get such unrealistic expectations of the entire
relationship. While there is no harm in putting your partner on a pedestal,
there is a fine line between idealism and being blind to the entire thing.
Remember that all those romantic films and novels have a one-dimensional feel
to the characters and situations, and your partner is only human, prone to
weaknesses, biases, and faults.
Such is the beauty of real love, choosing to love
someone despite all their frailties. Unrealistic expectations can kill
relationships, because expectations can lead to disappointments when these
expectations aren’t fulfilled. Unfulfilled expectations can then lead to
feelings of inadequacy and betrayal, which ultimately cause a relationship to
fail.
#2 Love dies because it wasn’t built on a solid
foundation. When love is built on the weak foundation of self-doubt and
dishonesty, it will eventually crumble. Even great sexual chemistry isn’t solid
enough a foundation to withstand the hurdles that your relationship may face.
Friendship, as strong as it may be, can’t be the only foundation to work on,
either.
You need trust, respect, and honesty. You need
perseverance to get through love’s trials. Building a relationship on something
as fleeting and flimsy as sex, infatuation, or a mutual flirtation will only
guarantee failure.
#3 Love dies because it wasn’t really love to begin
with. I have heard many stories of couples falling out of love because
they didn’t feel like it was love anymore. Most people fall into a state of
infatuation during the start of their relationship, and they tend to look at
everything through rose-colored glasses.
Once the honeymoon stage is over, they realize that
things aren’t the way that they used to be. The thing about relationships, the
real ones, is that it gets better when the two people involved grow and move
forward together. In the case of infatuation, the connection is only as fleeting
as the initial thrill of attraction.
#4 Love dies because of betrayal. Trust is an
expensive gift, and one should never expect it from cheap people. How far does
the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” go? Truth be told, I have known
what it was like to be with a cheater. I can tell you now that the experience
is horrifying, and when one has been cheated on, one gets a feeling that one
can never wholly trust again.
When one has been betrayed by the other, it can be
hard to trust that person again. It is because of this that love dies a slow
and painful death. It becomes like living in a personal hell, where your doubts
and paranoia consume you and cause your relationship to crumble
#5 Love dies because of fear. It’s okay to be
afraid of losing your partner, but the problem arises when you’re so scared of
losing them that you end up doing irrational things to keep them around.
Sometimes, holding on to your partner too tightly can cause them to feel
suffocated.
You may think that you’re just doing what it takes
to make your partner happy, but you’d be surprised at how well people can smell
fear and desperation. And when this invades your relationship, you’ll find that
love gets pushed to the sidelines.
#6 Love dies because of the lack of growth. The
years tend to change people, no matter how subtle the changes may be. Couples
in a healthy relationship allow the years to help them to grow into better
versions of themselves. They find ways to enrich their relationship, allowing
it to mature with time.
However, there are some couples who try so hard to
hold on to their honeymoon period that the relationship never progresses. There
are also some couples who bring each other down as a way to keep each other on
the same level. These actions only serve to stunt the growth of the
relationship.
#7 Love dies because of old hurts and old lies. There
are some old wounds that never really heal. It could stem from the hurt of
betrayal or disappointment or resentment. Some old wounds can lead to grudges
and pent-up anger. When these old issues remain unresolved, they fester and
feed on whatever good things are left in the relationship, making the couple
realize that their pain, anger, or resentment is stronger than the love they
bear each other.
#8 Love dies when there is no trust or honesty in
the relationship. The very foundation of a good, solid relationship is
trust. When you find yourself constantly wondering where your partner is, or
constantly doubting your partner, you know that there is something wrong with
your relationship.
Trust is what holds the relationship together. Trust
is what gives one peace of mind in a relationship. Very often, many have found
that they have invested too much trust in a relationship, all for it to go to
waste.
#9 Love dies because of incompatibility. While
it is true that opposites can attract, it is compatibility that would be the
deciding factor in a relationship in the long run. The honeymoon period of love
would allow you to glaze over whatever faults and idiosyncrasies your partner
might have. But time will eventually allow you to see if your relationship will
last.
This would allow you to open your eyes to the truth,
and sometimes, you’ll find that no matter how great things were from the start,
your ultimate incompatibility will drive you apart.
#10 Love dies because romance took over. Let’s
get one thing straight: romantic love has to die in order for a more
mature love to grow and prosper. Romance can sometimes look and feel like real
love, when in fact, it’s a façade that hides the true issues in a relationship.
Love isn’t all about romantic gestures and flowers
and candlelit dinners. Couples must learn to shed the trappings of romance in
order to see that love is also about hard work, overcoming trials together, and
growing as a couple. When a couple is blinded by romance, they see love, but
it’s an incomplete picture.
